So You Think...

Here I sit at the Toronto airport at 7 am waiting to go back to Atlanta. I'm listening to Annie Lennox and am remarkably awake. The task of creating a Bollywood number for SYTYCD Canada is complete although I did less creating and more cleaning and clarifying which is something that I've done many year of in my career. Longinus' creative process is one of rapid ideas and concepts flying out onto the dancers with varying degrees of definitive information. He likes to create sections then go back and detail and there is a lot of detail. It was interesting and challenging considering his accent and the rapidity of his speech but once we got the entire dance finished it was easier to nail down those details he was looking for. The dancers did a great job adapting to any changes that were necessary including a major one of shifting positions when the Executive Producer Sandra Fair wanted the costumes arranged in a certain color pattern and performed the dance fantastically. The crew were so beautifully welcoming from the the drivers Julie, Tim, Alex to wardrobe Lee to producer Millan, an amazing man with the most gentle demeanor and kind spirit and loved the work we did. Longinus is an amazing man as well. So gracious, loving, supportive and funny. We had so much fun rehearsing, sharing dinner time, watching TV together and he gave me great advice and encouragement. Then yesterday toward the end of the day I was sitting in the break room waiting for the time to shoot and I see Sean Cheesman walk by. His name jumped from my mouth and flew across the room with almost embarrassing volume. I've known Sean for 20 years and to see him there was a super surprise. Sean was always an amazing dancer, working with MJ, Paula, Janet, Prince, the list goes on and on and he's a sweet person. Now he's a resident choreographer for SYTYCDC and also guests on the American version of the show. It's always great to see a familiar face and feel that common energy of having shared the same space, time and career. After the day was complete I got to share some time with Sean and Longi over dinner. Sean and I could not remember when or how we had first met each other...well it was 20 years ago, but Sean is one of those people that I've just always known. I find in the dance world that you intermingle with other dancers with such random lengths of time whether it's at an audition, a commercial or film shoot, a tour, or a club that it's like we just share space and time that has no beginning or end. After dinner Longi and I went back to watch the show and Sean had choreographed a musical theater piece set to a song from "Wicked" and let me tell you...It Was Wicked!!! His choreography, staging, and partnering elements were simply dynamic and amazing. It was by far the best piece of the evening. And then I went to bed and here I am about to board the plane back to Atlanta filled with gratitude, inspiration, and nostalgia.

Lost or found?

So here I sit outside of Starbucks at Midtown Promenade with the light of my Mac reflecting on my face. It's almost 10pm and there's a football game going on across the street at Grady High school. In the morning I leave for Toronto to assist the choreographer of "Slumdog Millionaire" and many other Bollywood films Longinus Fernandez on So You Think You Can Dance Canada. This past week I've had waves of fear come over me and then dissipate surrounding this trip. I know it's because I'm not going to be around people I know necessarily, although I have spent a bit of time with Longinus and he is a super sweet guy, it's still unfamiliar. This fear makes me miss Dori even more than I don't allow myself to on a normal basis. Since I left my position at the studio formerly known as my regular job, I've been going from gig to gig and though that is a life that I know well I'm still getting used to it. Without leaving that position I would have never gotten the opportunity to have the experiences I am having nor be able to have the experiences I am yet to have and for that I am grateful. But still there is the fear of the unfamiliar. I know I am talented enough, I know that I work well with people, I am confident that I will be able to carry out what Longinus needs me to do, so why the fear? I think it is what I've already stated as the unfamiliar but more over I have a hole in my life without Dori. She is and has been my rock for 24 years. That is a lifetime. She is my best friend. She is a mentor. She is my cheerleader. She is my biggest fan. I love her and miss her. The other day I was talking with my friend KiMayJ and realized that I am in the development phase of my identity in Atlanta. Lots of people know me but who am I? I am not the AD of a studio. I am not the A List dancer I was in L.A. I am not a legendary entertainers choreographer...all of that is behind me. Now what's next? If anyone has the quick answer please let me know but in the meantime I am going to remain open and willing, at times not so easy but, always necessary.

Let the sunshine out...

It's seeming these past few days that my perspective is opening up. I am able to see and appreciate more the people in my life and understand that they see and appreciate me. For a while I had closed the shutters, lowered the blinds, drawn the curtains in order to protect myself and others around me from what I was feeling. I did not want to expose myself even to my closest friends. Lately I have found myself willing to open back up and let the sunlight back into my life and in turn shine light onto others. I am in a place of growth and I need to allow myself to absorb the generous gift of love the people around me offer in order for me to be nourished and give love back. I am amazed at the beauty that surrounds me in human form. The gorgeous and loving blues eyes, the incredibly effervescent smile, the wiggle butt hugs, the sweaty embraces, the accepting and understanding gazes that pierce my heart and fill it with warmth and energy, the hugs with heart chakra's aligned, the unspoken agreements shot from one another with one glance, the invitations to enjoy time together. I am seeing and noticing these things more often and more vividly than before and I am grateful for this new awareness. I am becoming myself again and it feels great.

Grateful in Wonderland

This Tuesday night marked a very important day in my life here in Atlanta. The day I reconnected with myself and dance. I debuted my new class BMOVED. The first lyrical class I've taught. I've been wanting to add classes to my schedule but dealing with physical things and emotional things as well as Koru had kept me stuck. Earlier Tuesday I had been rehearsing a dance I'm making for a group of 30 kids in Norcross at a studio called Footnotes. I was there from 1130am til 330 pm then headed back into town. Since late last week I've been worrying about my new class and trying to focus on what people would want, is the warm up good enough, is the music right, is it...should it be...will it... blah blah blah. Then suddenly it was Tuesday. So here was the day that I had been postponing for months, the day that I needed to trust myself, the day I needed to surrender to the universe. I got to the studio to teach my first class Old School Jazz at 6pm, I love this class cause it is the style I learned and loved when I first moved to L.A. I love dancing hard, fast, and with lots of direction changes. In OSJ I have my regular students that come back every week and I am so grateful to see their faces. I know they want to be there and dance. After class I headed to grab something to eat across the parking lot and as I left I glanced at the sign in sheet for BMOVED and there were 11 people...I thought cool that's allot. I got back about 20minutes later and as I walked past the front desk I noticed that the sheet was full (35) and that they had taken it away so no one else could sign in. What? The amount of people didn't really register with me until I got in the room and at that moment I was overwhelmed with gratitude and nervousness. I looked around the room and saw so many faces that I have seen at various stages of my teaching here in Atlanta. Comforting smiles, accepting eyes, open hearts. I was elated. Humbled. I shared a bit of how I was feeling which helped take the edge off, welcomed everyone to the class and then got started. As I was leading the warm up I closed my eyes and trusted. I took deep breaths of gratitude in and exhaled fear. My skin was tingling with the feeling of movement and with the energy of the others in the room moving in harmony. Several times during the warm up I felt my breath get tight as though my lungs were about to burst, I felt the pressure of tears well up to just bellow my tear ducts as though they were waiting to explode forth but a bit too shy to show their true selves. It was at this moment that I knew I was back home in my body. As the class went on I felt more at ease and as we launched into the combination I trusted again, I allowed for what was to be the experience to form without judgement, I saw the dancers absorbing the movement and allowing their emotions to attach to it and extend into the room, I understood as I have my entire life that I am a dancer. It's what I do, it's who I am and will always be.