So here I sit outside of Starbucks at Midtown Promenade with the light of my Mac reflecting on my face. It's almost 10pm and there's a football game going on across the street at Grady High school. In the morning I leave for Toronto to assist the choreographer of "Slumdog Millionaire" and many other Bollywood films Longinus Fernandez on So You Think You Can Dance Canada. This past week I've had waves of fear come over me and then dissipate surrounding this trip. I know it's because I'm not going to be around people I know necessarily, although I have spent a bit of time with Longinus and he is a super sweet guy, it's still unfamiliar. This fear makes me miss Dori even more than I don't allow myself to on a normal basis. Since I left my position at the studio formerly known as my regular job, I've been going from gig to gig and though that is a life that I know well I'm still getting used to it. Without leaving that position I would have never gotten the opportunity to have the experiences I am having nor be able to have the experiences I am yet to have and for that I am grateful. But still there is the fear of the unfamiliar. I know I am talented enough, I know that I work well with people, I am confident that I will be able to carry out what Longinus needs me to do, so why the fear? I think it is what I've already stated as the unfamiliar but more over I have a hole in my life without Dori. She is and has been my rock for 24 years. That is a lifetime. She is my best friend. She is a mentor. She is my cheerleader. She is my biggest fan. I love her and miss her. The other day I was talking with my friend KiMayJ and realized that I am in the development phase of my identity in Atlanta. Lots of people know me but who am I? I am not the AD of a studio. I am not the A List dancer I was in L.A. I am not a legendary entertainers choreographer...all of that is behind me. Now what's next? If anyone has the quick answer please let me know but in the meantime I am going to remain open and willing, at times not so easy but, always necessary.
I don't know all the who's of you B, but I know the one who shows me that strength lies in vulnerability and a willingness to open yourself to and even embrace the unknown because of the potential love and relationships and acceptance it can bring to your life.
ReplyDeleteI am grateful for all the who's, was', have been's and will be's of you.
You inspire people, and cause people to see themselves differently. And probably always have. I believe that is the common thread in your journey. I'm at a personal crossroads of sorts myself, and I can tell you that knowing you, and the many people at Dance 101, but mostly you, has strongly influenced the turn I'm about to take.
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